The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
