My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
