Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I intend to get homeless drunk
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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