They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
