I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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