She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
A+ Viking dick
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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