What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
