Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
