There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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