do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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