I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
