areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
