It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
