We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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