He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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