So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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