Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
