Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
