The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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