I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
tonight lets celebrate not being married
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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