I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
