Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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