I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
