hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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