I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
