i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
