i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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