So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
