true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Randomize
