allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
