she looked like the before picture.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
