I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
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