you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
