Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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