I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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