I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
