your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
