I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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