if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
