i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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