I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
