I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
