my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
