Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
