i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
