Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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