He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
