I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
