the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
