smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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